Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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