the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
