I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
