im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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