If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
