I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize