she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
