Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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