I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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