Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
