i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Don't tell me you're on acid again
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
