so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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