just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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