nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
