Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
