Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
