I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
