His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
