Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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