yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
stop calling my apartment porn island.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
