we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
