I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
