You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
