I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
