Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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