my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My vagina just clenched in fear
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
