U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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