i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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