Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
