I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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