Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
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I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
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I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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