I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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