I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
