The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
