I am puke
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize