So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
