Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize