Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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