but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
