guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
