I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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