the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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