3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
