Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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