what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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