I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
