its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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