i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
