hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
