hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
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