I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
