bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
