I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
