there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize