There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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