there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
