where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
