it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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