I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
