I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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