if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
