I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
