i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
